25 Sep Successful but Unhappy at Work? Whose Desire Were You Chasing?
If you are successful but unhappy at work, the success you chased may never have been your own desire. So often it comes from conditioning, our shadows, our patterns that formed as the adaptive response to adversity (especially) in childhood, fear and that chasing of external validation. The task is to go back to your true desire: this is where you will source your energy back.
Not sure yet whether your next move is to stay, step up or step out? Take the Next Move quiz: ten questions, about three minutes.
What if success isn’t getting everything you thought you wanted?
I got asked this by one of my astrology teachers and that day I did not think about anything else but this question.
That is what I also call exceptional coaching. One question that shifts the perception to the degree that you no longer see life in the same way compared to one minute ago.
Have you ever seen your life and career through this question? Let’s unpack it, especially in the context of Exceptional & Exhausted.
What does being successful but unhappy at work look like?
From the outside it looks exceptional. Inside, it is exhausting.
Sally, an entrepreneur, worked so hard to create her offer. Finally she is selling and… she also absolutely hates her offer. The consequence is a perpetual energy leak, frustration slowly moving to apathy and numbness. From outside she is exceptional, inside she is exhausted.
Josh, an exceptional lawyer and professor, goes to the university, teaches law and is seemingly happy with the status of Professor. Yet each day, as his personal life is gradually collapsing, his teaching starts to feel increasingly dry. His soul is longing for a different type of history: the history and study of human depth, psychology.
Gerda, VP at one of the investment banks, was rushing to get the promotion. Now she is working 80+ hours per week, attending back to back meetings, realising she has no time even for bathroom breaks. She wonders if this is the success she was negotiating so hard for herself. Can you relate to this in your specific situation perhaps?
Names and identifying details have been changed to protect confidentiality.
Why do we chase success that isn’t really ours?
I personally can remember so many occasions where I am so, so glad the outcome did not go my way. I remember I was so upset once that I did not get a position in one of the most famous and also probably most ruthless investment banks. Mountains of tears. All that energy given to that desire and then to its grieving.
And today, knowing all that I know about that place, because I work with people from it, I am in heaven that I did not get in then. Rather, I get a chance to work with people from it and help them build careers and lives that finally do not feel like sitting on a burning fire, chipping away at health and soul.
So. What has happened here?
The desire so often comes from conditioning, our shadows, our patterns that formed as the adaptive response to adversity (especially) in childhood, fear and that chasing of external validation.
Plato’s allegory of the cave also illustrates how easy it is to see our desires as our own, whilst they are far from being so.
Why is it so hard to know your true desire?
Do not tell me it is easy to know your true desire. Session after session I see how difficult it is to know our own true desires, and that the choice of career and business was in fact made from that phantom desire. In almost every leadership session, I see the consequences of that choice… visible or not yet visible burnout, anger, a growing inner temperature. I cannot even count anymore how many times people cry in the session once they tap into this insight: that they might have been serving, with their time and energy, the wrong desires, somebody else’s agenda.
We might have been serving, with our time and energy, somebody else’s agenda.
How do you find your true desire again?
Look at the root cause, not just the symptoms. The task is to go back to your true desire: this is where you will source your energy back.
This is the work I do with my clients. As simple as it sounds, tapping into your desire, the foundation of the fire power that later fuels your action, takes quite some time. And that is why I like the tool of astrology here alongside the coaching itself. It is not necessary to use it, but it ends up being very practical. (I wrote more about how I use it in Astrology in Executive Coaching: Does It Actually Work for Senior Leaders?)
In your astrological chart we can see the initial blueprint, if you like, before the social conditioning.
That can be very useful to come back to. Most people struggle to remember what they were naturally drawn to in childhood, which often discloses our deeper calling: which activity would energise us rather than deplete us. The chart often acts here as the prompt for remembering. I see it over and over again: after we start leadership work with this tool as an extra, there is an acceleration towards a truer career choice, a truer business offer or direction, and a truer leadership style. What ends up happening is that energy returns, and leaders who walked this journey end up being just Exceptional (without the Exhausted).
What can you do next?
If you are not sure yet which move is pulling at you, take the Next Move quiz. Your result shows straight away whether you are leaning towards stay, step up or step out, and what is most likely holding you back.
You are also welcome to see how I work with senior leaders, or reach out to me to talk about your specific leadership and career situation, to check for those energy leaks and the adjustments that could bring back that feeling of centredness and joy.
What if success isn’t getting everything you thought you wanted?
Danguole
Danguole Litvinskaite, founder of Coach and You. Ex investment banker (14 years), ICF PCC executive coach with 3,100+ coaching sessions. About Danguole. First published 25 September 2026 · Last updated 27 October 2026.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why am I successful but unhappy at work?
Often because the success you chased was never your own desire. Many career goals are shaped early by conditioning, fear and the wish for outside approval. When you reach a goal that was never truly yours, it feels dry, and the gap shows up as an energy leak, frustration and eventually apathy.
How do I know if my career goal was really my own?
Notice how reaching it feels. A goal that was yours tends to give energy back; a borrowed one keeps taking it. A useful prompt is to remember what you were naturally drawn to as a child, before other people’s expectations shaped your choices. Most people find this hard to see alone, which is why the work takes some real excavation.
Should I leave my job if I am successful but unhappy?
Not necessarily. Stay, step up and step out are three equal answers, and none of them is a failure. What matters is finding your true desire first and then choosing your move deliberately. The Next Move quiz shows in about three minutes which move is pulling at you.
Can astrology help you find your true desire?
It can be a practical extra tool, never a requirement. A birth chart can act as a prompt for remembering your initial blueprint before social conditioning, which often speeds up the coaching work. It is not fortune telling, and clients do not need to believe in astrology for the coaching to work.
About the Author
Danguole Litvinskaite is an executive coach based in Switzerland who helps Directors and VPs at a career turning point decide whether to stay, step up or step out, and make the move well. An ex investment banker, LSE graduate and ICF PCC coach with 3,100+ sessions, she combines Executive Coaching, Executive Astrology and body psychology.
ICF PCC certified: verified profile
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